Back to high school for many of you. Seven hours of class, five days a week—plus homework. (If you’re taking AP or IB classes, don’t even get me started; you signed up for it and therefore aren’t allowed to whine, but I and the rest of the world can still feel bad for you. Poor souls.)
Don’t feel too bad, though. High school is pretty great. It’s the only publicly-funded institution I can think of which springs for multiple dances.
And dances are pretty cool. It can be a bit of a touchy subject, what with kids being into some ’fancy’ forms of dance, but dancing is somewhat intrinsic to us primates as a medium for social interaction, and attracting a boy or girl, depending.
Well, my point is that science is pretty cool—as many of you know and as many others do not—and can be applied to pretty much anything. I wanted to throw this at you gents out there, to save you from being me. (I couldn’t dance in high school.)
Of course parties come first, but studying is slightly more important. That’s why you’ll go to the party, and are still willing to study into the wee hours of the morning afterwards, when a sane person would sleep. You might even do something extreme like miss the party entirely just to get some schoolwork done (gasp).
And so many people think “party now, study later” means you care about the parties more. No! It’s just that partying comes first—chronologically.
In any case, I highly recommend you don’t drink soda or energy drinks to pull your all-nighters off. Coffee is better. Or tea—it’s actually good for you and will give you your caffeine fix, but like coffee is largely an acquired taste. Not sure any of this is good for you, but…
- Caffeinated jerky (expensive)
- Caffeinated sunflower seeds (comes free with annoying announcer)
- Caffeinated cereal (looks like Wal-Mart sells this)
- Caffeinated soap (what?)
- Caffeinated bacon, baconated grapefruit (ADMIRAL crunch?)
Caffeine and parties are pretty great, everybody. That’s what school is all about. That and catching you up to the intellectual progression of the human race so you can adequately function in a way which benefits the world, or at least you by making a lot of money. But those are minor details.
Enjoy your school year.